The Executive Transition Nobody Talks About

Dear Friends,

Change is hard. Even when we intellectually know it's necessary—or inevitable—our emotional brain often has other plans. After decades of supporting executives through transitions, here's what separates the ones who make it from the ones who don't: struggling leaders fight resistance. Successful ones? They use it like sailors use wind — even when it's blowing right at them. Because here's the thing: headwinds can

actually get you there faster, if you know how to work with them.

The Hidden Force Field of Change 

In my experience—and I've seen this dozens of times—the force for change needs to be dramatically stronger, perhaps 10x, than the forces maintaining the status quo. Microsoft couldn't shift their culture with gentle nudges. It took missing the entire mobile revolution, bleeding talent, and a flatlined stock price to create enough pain for real change. That's your 10x force right there—when staying put literally threatens your survival.

As I tell clients: the pain of the status quo must exceed the difficulty of changing. But here's what makes this particularly challenging for successful leaders—you've built your identity around your current role. Your neural pathways are optimized for it. Your sense of worth is tied to it.

When Fighting Harder Isn't the Answer 

I've coached brilliant leaders whose organizations want them to succeed—just not necessarily beyond their current role. These companies invest in coaching because they value the person's contributions, but they've quietly concluded this is it—no more promotions, no expanded scope, no path upward. Often this isn't clear—even to the company itself—until I get deep into the engagement.

One executive comes to mind—incredibly talented, stellar track record, and her company was happy to invest in her coaching. They wanted her to excel in her current role. They just didn't want her going any higher. The bridges to advancement were burned. She lacked a sponsor for promotion. And honestly? The culture made it clear she'd peaked.

Yet she kept fighting, convinced that working harder would finally earn her the recognition she deserved. Through our work together, she had a breakthrough realization: she was trying to win a promotion game that no one was willing to play with her anymore. The courage it took for her to stop fighting and accept the reality that her power and choices lay outside that organization was immense.

Today? She's thriving at a prestigious organization that values her contributions and has become a recognized leader in her industry association. The irony? By letting go of where she wasn't appreciated, she found where she could truly make an impact. (If this resonates with your situation, let's explore your options together.)

When "New Opportunity" Means "You're Not Working Out Here"

I've coached senior executives whose organizations created entirely new roles for them—enhanced titles, maintained compensation, different responsibilities—because they valued the person but knew the current fit wasn't working. The company's message is delicate: "We want to keep you, but not in this role."

The emotional complexity here is staggering. These leaders must accept that they're being moved aside while being asked to embrace what's positioned as an opportunity. They know they're valued—the company is literally creating a place for them—but they also know they're being removed from the role they fought to get. It's a particular kind of professional vertigo: grateful to be wanted, devastated to be redirected, and confused about what it all means for their identity and future.

The ones who navigate this successfully learn to see it as data, not defeat—valuable information about where they can truly thrive.

The Neuroscience of Possibility 

This is where Richard Boyatzis's research on coaching becomes invaluable. His work shows that when we focus on what he calls the Positive Emotional Attractor (PEA)—our ideal future self, our dreams, our possibilities—we activate parasympathetic nervous system responses that open us to learning and growth. We literally become more creative, more resilient, and more capable of change. 

Contrast this with focusing on the Negative Emotional Attractor (NEA)—our weaknesses, what we should fix, external pressures to change. This activates our sympathetic nervous system, triggering defensiveness and narrowing our thinking. We become less capable of envisioning alternatives, not more.

The research is clear: sustainable change happens when we connect to a compelling vision of our future self, not when we're pushed by fear or criticism.

Creating Your Future State  

So how do we apply this? Whether you're facing a role transition or supporting someone through one, consider these approaches:

1. Start with vision, not problems. Ask yourself: "If your life were perfect five years from now, what would it look like?" Don't edit. Dream first, plan second.

2. Recognize when you're fighting the wrong battle. Sometimes the bravest thing is to stop trying to win where winning isn't possible. Where could your energy create real impact instead?

3. Connect to purpose beyond position. What impact do you want to have that transcends any particular role or organization? This becomes your North Star through any transition.

4. Honor the grief. Transitions involve loss, even positive ones. The executive who left for a better opportunity still grieved what she'd hoped to accomplish. That's not weakness—it's humanity.

5. Activate gratitude. Boyatzis's research shows that gratitude fast-tracks us to the postitive emotional state. What did you learn in this role? What strengths did you develop? Appreciation for the journey creates openness to the destination.

The Leader's Edge 

Here's what I want you to remember: every leader I've coached through successful transition started exactly where you might be now—resistant, uncertain, perhaps even a bit afraid. The difference wasn't that they didn't feel these things. The difference was they didn't let these feelings write their next chapter.

Your next role isn't about becoming less than you were. It's about becoming more than you imagined. Sometimes that means fighting for recognition where you are. Sometimes it means recognizing when it's time to find a place that's ready for what you offer.

What future are you resisting that might actually be trying to elevate you?

Onward and upward,

Amii

P.S. If you're sensing (or being told) it's time for a transition but aren't sure whether to fight for change where you are or seek it elsewhere, let's talk. Sometimes an outside perspective can illuminate possibilities you can't see from inside the situation. Reach out here.

P.P.S. Exciting news: My article, "Do Retention Bonuses Pay Off?" was selected for Harvard Business Review's new "Guide to Retaining Your Best People." Released this Tuesday, August 5, it's already the #1 New Release in Human Resources & Personnel Management. It pairs perfectly with today's newsletter, addressing how organizations can better navigate these delicate transitions.